30

So the day is here and thirty has arrived finally. For the past 6 months or so, I have been on and off consumed with turning 30... what it means, what it meant to others, what have I achieved, what haven't I? What does it mean to be female and unmarried with no kids at 30? I've read so much and talked so much that the day has arrived and I'm exhausted and relieved. I'm reading "Eat Pray Love" which has given me a great appreciation for the route I've taken in life so far. I was struggling to understand my life prior to reading this book but Elizabeth Gilbert has provided the perspective that I've been seeking for the past few months. It is amazing how much I can relate to her on so many facets of life...


From Chapter One - Italy or "Say It Like You Eat It" or 36 Tales About Pursuit of Pleasure:


To create a family with a spouse is one of the most fundamental ways a person can find continuity and meaning in American (or any) society. I rediscover this truth every time I go to a big reunion of my mother's family in Minnesota and I see how everyone is held so reassuringly in their positions over the years. First you are a child, then you are a teenager, then you are a young married person, then you are a parent, then you are retired, then you are a grandparent -at every stage you know how you are, you know what your duty is and you know where to sit at the reunion. Until at last you are sitting with the ninety-year-olds in the shade, watching over your progeny with satisfaction. Who are you? No problem -you're the person who created all this. The satisfaction of this knowledge is immediate, and moreover, it's universally recognized. How many people have I heard claim their children as the greatest accomplishment and comfort of their lives? It's the thing they can always lean on during a metaphysical crisis, or a moment of doubt about their relevancy -If I have done nothing else in this life, then at least I have raised my children well.


But what if, either by choice or by reluctant necessity, you end up not participating in this comforting cycle of family and continuity? What if you step out? Where do you sit at the reunion? How do you mark time's passage without the fear that you've frittered away your time on earth without being relevant? You'll need to find another purpose, another measure by which to judge whether or not you have been a successful human being. I love children, but what if I don't have any? What kind of person does that make me?


Virginia Woolf wrote, "Across the broad continent of a woman's life falls the shadow of a sword." On one side of that sword, she said, there lies convention and tradition and order, where "all is correct." But on the other side of that sword, if you're crazy enough to cross it and choose a life that does not follow convention, "all is confusion. Nothing follows a regular course."



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By typing out this excerpt from her book does not in any way indicate that I don't want to have kids but the fact is that I don't yet have them so I can relate to her on this. Turning 30 has seemed to cause everyone to bring up the topic of kids... Do you want them? Do you see yourself having a family? blahblahblah Tick tick tock.


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30 is here, wow, next.